Monday night around 7:45pm, I thought I felt my water leak a little. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions in case it really wasn't happening. However, every time I would stand up or move around a lot, I would feel a little more. Eventually, I was pretty much convinced that it was amniotic fluid that was leaking... so around 9pm we called labor and delivery and of course they wanted me to come in. I wasn't too convinced I wanted or needed to go in yet because I wasn't having contractions (that I could tell) and I didn't want to sit in a hospital for hours and hours and have them try to talk me into Pitocin. We stalled for awhile and eventually made it in a little after midnight. They hooked me up to the monitors (after verifying that my water was indeed leaking) and I was having steady contractions, but I couldn't feel them. We tried to sleep, but I was super excited for the baby to come and anxious... so I didn't sleep much. Then around 2 or 3am I started to be able to feel my contractions. We continued to try and sleep (Dan was somewhat successful)... I just listened to music and my relaxation CDs and just... relaxed (but I was really happy and excited).
Things started picking up in the morning (who knows what time, time didn't exist at this point)... and I started to feel it in my back... a lot. No more laying down for me! If I did, it was painful. So I was up and moving. So long as I was walking and moving... I felt no pain, but I did feel, i felt a lot (of intense, overtaking pressure) which I had expected... I didn't know how I would feel, but I knew it would be work, and it sure was.
Finally, they could tell I was working much harder and were asking if I felt like pushing, but I didn't. Soon they decided to check my progress (for the first time). I was nervous for them to check me... I was starting to get really tired and I could just hear them in my head saying "You're at a 4!". But, I was at an 8! Even though my water had slowly been leaking this entire time, they said I had a secondary bag still in tact. I had a different nurse at this point and she was great. In between contractions I was even laughing, it was all a blur... but I remember the nurse saying "I can't believe you are laughing while you are in transition!" But, I was super tired, especially since I had been walking for who knows how long on top of being in labor. There were times at this point that I was getting less relaxed and less in tune with my body. I really needed Dan to bring me back down, and he was so good at it. I would definitely have been in pain if he wasn't there helping me, he was AMAZING. Things were intense and I was tired of standing, but laying down hurt... so the nurse put the bed in full sit mode and I knelt facing the back of the bed. This was nice because I could rest against the bed. The next contraction I had in this position... my water burst everywhere. It felt soooo goooood, such a release and bringing more pressure with it, I could feel it getting closer. I was in the zone though, and I didn't want to move for them to change the bedding, so I labored in wetness for who knows how long while I kept saying "I'm so tired" over and over again... Eventually I wanted to push and so I stayed pushing in this position. Then, they brought in the squatting bar for me to use and I did that for some time. To my dismay, from this position, I was staring directly at the clock. It was 1:10pm. About an hour later, I was too tired to even hold myself up at the squatting bar and I had to lay down, luckily, this didn't hurt my back anymore, but with my legs up, I kept getting charlie horses in my hips. Dan and the nurse would massage them out... aewnd we would all move on. At one point I looked up and noticed how bored the nurse and the midwife looked. I wanted to tell them "sorry it's taking so long!!!" I was getting frustrated too, it was about 2:30 or so. With each contraction I would push my heart out and in between each contraction, he would slip back in. In my head, I was begging for him to not slip back in and praying I would get a bigger burst of energy to get him out further, "This next one will be the one!" I would tell myself... but it wouldn't be. At around 3:10 I asked if I get getting any further. I was so tired that in between contractions, I would fall asleep and not realize it until I would awake to the next urge to push. The midwife responded that she was going to wait 4-5 more contractions since he was a "happy little guy" (his heart rate was perfect and so were my O2 levels this whole time... being relaxed helps!) and then talk about an episiotomy... "or we could just do it right now".
I looked over at Dan, hopelessly exhausted, I nodded and told the nurse to go for it and I am so glad that I did. They ended up cutting me twice and then when his head came out, everyone was in shock with how large his head was. Then when his shoulders came out... I felt a rip and I tore even further (3rd degree, thank you very much). And finally at 3:44pm, Arlo was born, placed right on me. All the exhaustion melted away and I was filled with joy and happiness, overloaded. It was over and it all felt so good.
I promise you this, I would do it again this way in a heartbeat. Never once did I even think of wanting drugs or any sort of "pain" relief. Dan was so good and kept reminding me that with each surge, Arlo was closer to being in our arms. He would massage my back and arms, hug me and hold me, and it was so helpful. It was the most work I have ever done in my life, but certainly not the most painful thing I have ever done. I am so glad I chose this way to birth my baby.
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